WHAT IS NEXT ? KUNDALINI
5:48:00 PM
If you know me you know my tendency to unsettle,
the type seven on the enneagram,
always trying new things.
Most of the healers become healers to heal themselves,
my path to healing started to try to heal my mom,
but after I started my search I realized I was trying to heal myself
in relationship with her,
in a relationship with my lack of belonging.
A year ago I was questioning pretty much everything in my life:
my yoga practice,
the why and why not of living in the US,
the relationship I was in,
my work, my passions, my goals….
a strong sense of loss was knocking at my door
and I couldn’t see a way out,
yes, I guess we can call it a crisis.
One evening my friend Jessica asked me if I wanted to go
to Kundalini yoga at RA MA Institute in Venice with her,
I immediately said yes,
It was a long time I wanted to take one Guru Jagat's classes.
I sat in class at 9 am and,
literally felt completely familiar and organic to be there,
not only because the studio is a portal,
a spaceship to other worlds,
I felt completely reaffirmed in my heart after a long journey back home.
Only one class and I could already feel the benefits in my mind,
more quite, positive and reaching to a
bright light instead of seeking downhill
to the negative thoughts of not being enough,
insecurities and fears.
I really wanted to continue learning more,
taking more classes and see what Kundalini had for me,
I did Seva ( work exchange) for a couple of months,
and after that started working at the studio two nights a week.
Soon I found forgiving my inner child for years of guilt and fear,
the effects of the practice were so fast and clear,
the Kriyas were sort of familiar to me,
after over a decade, practicing Ashtanga and Hatha yoga;
what was new for me were the mantras and Breath Work.
The mantras began to find its own place in my head,
even if I did not know the words, order or meaning at the beginning,
there was a sense of opening space in my brain
that was allowed to settle into a subtle environment around my subconscious,
soon I stop thinking analytical or based on a dual judgment,
I realized that the more I used them the lighter my thoughts became,
and was able to see their patterns with clarity and peace.
I started to use them daily,
same as you drink water when you are thirsty or
rest when you are tired,
mantras can be used to clear your mind of negative thoughts, doubt, and fear.
“ The mind is like a toddler, if you give a knife to a toddler it could be very
dangerous but if you give him a feather everything changes “~ Guru Jagat
I changed my binaural beats at sleep time for mantras and,
soon I noticed I was not even really sleeping anymore,
I was held in a state of Nidra yoga through the sound,
as an alchemic process,
I was able to see parts of the body moving through the vibrations and,
reorganized in a better composition in relation to its function in my subtle body.
Some people consider this insomnia the first state of kundalini awakening.
“ There is a state in which the mind says, "I have no idea who I am,"
because it can't find the right script. Awakening is the realization that happens after the mind says,
“I give up. I just have no idea who I am “. When you start to understand this, you realize
that if you put down your script of being someone listening, and if you put down your
script of being someone saying something, and you just drop these roles for a moment,
you are not who you have taken yourself to be.” ~Emptiness Dancing -Adyashanti
This extract refers completely to my state at that moment:
I love dancing but I am not a dancer,
I love to perform but I am not performing,
I love to write but I am not writing,
I love to travel but I am not traveling,
I love to have a partner but I do not have one,
I kept on telling me this script over and over… so who am I?
I was so lost, asking myself what my ego wanted to hear,
but the Truth came in the shape of a child,
of pure love and forgiveness to myself,
the awareness that only I can love myself the way I love my beloved and
feel comfortable with it,
pure light and peace at the heart.
The interrelation body / soul or body/ identity
started to seem consistent and obvious.
I dived into workshops back to back with some of the best teachers,
Harijiwan changed my present life for one and ever,
probably already before I remember this happened,
but for sure I have and before and after his Rebirthing workshops.
I consider my self a pro on taking new experiences to the deepest,
and so I did with the workshops,
I started noticing how my mouth tasted to some sort of mineral
with the intense breathwork;
strong energy was involving my body, a current,
my own energy current, moving through and around,
bellow and above;
when we finished the sitting exercises/ meditation
I could not feel my feet or legs,
I was so literally high that had no feeling of touching the earth
but I was sitting on my butt, I thought :
- oh well, I guess levitation should feel like this,
like you are above the earth but you are on it.
After that, I could not eat for a couple weeks,
only drink water, teas, juices or smoothies in the best scenario,
I did not want to fast or planned it,
just could not eat and did not have the necessity to.
My body was on fire, literally, my head and body,
especially head felt on some sort of headache/ fever,
only cold drinks felt good and tons, gallons of water with cold showers.
It felt like the speed of my life was in a different momentum and
circumstances that I was thinking of changing, just changed.
0 comments